Between Waking and Sleep
by Angelic Oblivion
Summary: Set a decade after the events in the anime. Hitomi has all but forgotten the experiences in Gaia. The years were tough on her as she has always felt that she's been stuck in the state between dreaming and waking. She acknowledges a powerful force that keeps moving forward; a promise, but a promise to who? She has forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

Set a decade after the events in the anime. Hitomi has all but forgotten the experiences in Gaia. The years were tough on her as she has always felt that she's been stuck in the state between dreaming and waking. She acknowledges a powerful force that keeps moving forward; a promise, but a promise to who? She has forgotten

* * *

"KAN-ZA-KI – SAN!"

Hitomi dropped the pen that she's been balancing on her top lip. She was promptly, but rudely, ejected from her daydreaming.

Ms. Mikage, her co-teacher for the past 5 years, had packed up her belongings and was ready to leave for the day. "Ehh, the moonrise is earlier now that Winter is just around the corner", the teacher mused as she stood halfway out the room.

Hitomi had not realized she's been staring out the window the whole time. She has just noticed the time. "Otsu! See you tomorrow, Mikage-san."

"Quit spacing out or you'll never finish going through your class' career reports."

"Haaaai", Hitomi sighed as she waved to her colleague.

Now stretched out on her desk, Hitomi took a glance at the compact mirror sitting in the corner. Staring back at her was a responsible woman contributing to society - or this is how she would like to think of herself at least. She had tried different hairstyles over the years but being a P.E. teacher obligated her to always be in sports attire. She decided that short hair suited her best.

_"You haven't changed one bit, Hitomi"_, Yukari's voice echoed in her mind.

It has been a week since her reunion with Yukari; a week since she found out that her best friend in high school and Amano are expecting their first child together.

Hitomi's throat felt tight. She stared at her right hand and slowly closed her fingers until it formed fist. _"Inside, I'm still 15."_ She let out another long sigh.

Hitomi was convinced she wouldn't be making any progress for the rest of the night. Making her way to the school yard, she preoccupied herself by going through a list in her head em"Stop by the store for dinner food and beer, take a long bath, then do the laundry… hmm maybe the laundry can wait until the weekend."

A cold but gentle breeze caressed Hitomi's cheek, which brought a chill. Instinctively, she wrapped the unzipped sports jacket around her body. The full moon brightly lit up the school track and field. As sudden as the breeze, her memories came forth like an image superimposed to this evening's backdrop. Hitomi sees her teenage form practicing on the track. On the bench, she conjured up fond memories of goofing around with Yukari. On that spot near the bleachers, she sees her younger version cheering on her first love, Amano-sempai as he broke the school track records. Being alone on this track felt like home and this is perhaps why Hitomi has never left this school. It wasn't like she had other prospects to begin with. After high school, the gaping hole that was her future as an adult overwhelmed her immensely. Returning to this school was supposed to be a short stop but this has quickly turned into years.

Looking back on the kinder years, Hitomi vaguely remembers being away from school for a significant period, which, among other things, kept her from attending Amano-sempai's going away party. Try as she might but she just couldn't remember the exact reason why she was away. Her parents and younger brother, having even less recollection of this event than her, have concluded she must have been sick. Despite the episode being a blur, she was sure that she was forever changed by that experience and this continues to reflect on her relationships today. She has seen a few men over the years but to her, it has been like trying keys of different shapes and form to open that one lock within herself. A thought had been creeping at the back of her mind that maybe that door, opened only once before, will forever remain locked.

Having these random thoughts after a tough day at work, Hitomi was now in a foul mood. She decided to take a walk up to a nearby shrine to cool her head off.

_"Inside, I'm still 15"_, Hitomi knew this to be only half true. The other half of her was eager to keep a promise to never forget to move forward always. To who she has kept her promise to, she has long forgotten. Was it a promise to her grandmother? It couldn't have been a promise with Yukari. This has vague promise has kept her going. All this thinking is giving her a headache. Hitomi had made it to the shrine at the top of the hill without realizing it.

"What am I doing?", she sighed as she closed her eyes in exasperation.

Feeling another gentle breeze, Hitomi lifted her head and prayed for this moment to stand still. She gently opened her eyes and saw something afloat overhead, swaying with the breeze. Squinting now, was it a butterfly? em"A bit too late in the season, isn't it?"/em, she thought. She caught the object at the palm of her hand. "A feather?"

"A strong wind hit her squarely.

"Hitomi". A soft whisper.

Puzzled, Hitomi looked around to see who was calling her.

"Hitomi", a familiar voice but she couldn't match the voice to a face. Was this someone she has met before?

"Spinning on her heels, Hitomi couldn't find the source of the voice.

"Hitomi!" Hitomi felt like her stomach was being sucked into nothingness from the inside. The world was now spinning fast on the outside.

The earth from under her feet shook then gave way. Hitomi lost her footing and fell into the darkness. The flurry of events took her breath away and she couldn't manage a scream. She fell deeper into the "I've been here before. I've been here for a while. Somebody, please save me."

Hitomi reached her hand out to the fading light. As she was falling, the light grew and grew until it's warm light engulfed her completely.

"Was it all just a dream? Or a vision? No, it all really happened. It began the day I asked the tarot cards if I'd find love."

Her ears were ringing. Her check felt warm and moist.

"Hitomi"

Slowly, she opened her eyes. Her vision was flooded by bright light.

"Hitomi"

She could make out someone's silhouette but before she could identify the figure, she was lulled back to slumber.

* * *

Author's notes: It has been a few years since I last published any content on this platform. I don't know where this is going but I had a strong urge to write this anyway.

I've been watching Vision of Escaflowne again and I'm currently on episode 9 of 26. As you can imagine, it has been well over a decade since the first time I've seen this anime. It's certainly amazing how time changes the way one sees and understand things. I used to be head over heels over Allen Schezar but now I see him as a playboy at the get go. Van and Hitomi truly embodied "hastukoi". I'm being overly cautious at how I handle this fiction because in most cases, adulthood is equivalent to disillusionment. I hope you enjoyed this first bit. I hope I can figure out where this story is headed.


	2. Chapter 2

She was engulfed in darkness but Hitomi could feel that she was falling in this void. This was a dream this much she was sure. Any minute she'll hit the ground then she'll wake up and everything will be alright again. But she continued to fall. Even in her dreams she felt the anxiety rising from her gut, up her chest, to her throat.

_What if I never stop falling? What if I never wake up?_

Her thoughts were in disarray. Hitomi was starting to get worried.

_I need to wake up!_

Fighting against the weight slowly building up in her chest, she tried with all her might to move her limbs. She felt like she was stuck in quicksand. Her arms and legs felt heavy like lead. As if drowning in slow motion, her breaths have become shallow.

_No! I need to wake up! I can't… not yet… I haven't…_

_Somebody, help me!_

A faint light shone through the darkness. She could make out one, two, no, three… then there were many faint lights around her.

_These are... feathers?_

Hitomi instantly knew she was saved. She knew this from the bottom of her heart; her angel had arrived. The weight she felt was lifted and was able to she raise her arms. A dark silhouette came and held her in a warm embrace. The pain was lifted from her chest and she slipped into peaceful slumber.

Her eyelids still felt heavy but Hitomi managed to open them. She could see the colour of the sunset. She could smell the pleasant fragrance of young grass mixed with the scent of the sun. This reminds her of a summer day.

"Where am I?"

Sitting herself up, Hitomi looked around. Her vision adjusting to the light, she could make out a figure sitting at the edge of a cliff a few paces from her. She immediately recognized that back. She has dreamt of this same moment for years but in all her longing, the figure never turned her way. The moment of waking was just at the edge of this cliff, she felt it.

_This is the closest I'll ever get to meeting him again. Like several times before, this dream will be over as soon as I call out to him._

Hitomi's heart was pounding. She knew waking up from a pleasant dream like this was inevitable, but she wanted to know if this moment, even if it's just within a dream, was real.

"V-… Van?"

The figure turned slowly until Hitomi finally saw the figure's profile. Even with half is face against the light his familiar features, one she could easily trace with her mind's eye. took Hitomi's breath away. In unison, they both stood and caught each other in a warm and tearful embrace.

Van was exactly as she remembered him: lean and the epitome of youth. His boyish ebony hair with the bangs, left in careless abandon, still hiding the secret behind his reddish-brown eyes. His scent, oh did she miss his scent; fresh young grass grown wild in the vast sunny fields of Gaea.

A quick as the waves change at the shore, Hitomi suddenly felt ashamed.

"Don't look at me!", she exclaimed as she pushed Van away. With her back to him, she covered her face with her hands.

"The years have not been kind to me. I'm not the same!", Hitomi whimpered.

A few moments of silence passed between them. A bit hesitant, but with the same gentle voice, Van finally spoke "Hitomi, what are you talking about? You're the same from when we parted not so long ago."

With her back still turned to Van, Hitomi removed her hands form her face. She took a close at her hands and saw fewer lines; at the back of her palm were the absence of sunspots she had collected over the years. She then realized she was wearing her high school uniform. Facing Van once again, she realized he was right. He too looked the same way as when they last parted in Gaea.

"Van, is it really you?"

Hitomi's voice cracked in desperation. This time is definitely different. The Van in her dreams never showed his face and the expected time of her waking was long past.

Van, smiling his gentle smile, spoke calmly. "Didn't you used to say that if we wish for it hard enough, all our wishes will come true?"

"Y-yes. I did say that, didn't I?" Hitomi, still cautious that she'd wake up in any moment took careful steps towards Van.

"Will you disappear when I touch you?"

Van reached out a hand to her but only halfway. Hitomi carefully reached out to Van's open hand. His hand felt rough with uneven and hard calluses, the same way they were back then.

"Hitomi, come sit with me."

Surprised, Hitomi looked into Van's eyes but she was unsure of what was to come. Van led her to the spot where he was seated the moment before. It held a view of the vast ocean before them. The waves kissed the jagged rocks below them; the gentle breeze brushing against their cheeks; the tall grass audibly dancing behind them.

"Hitomi?"

"Yes, Van?" Hitomi was determined to hold his gaze.

"The years have passed in my world too."

Hitomi wasn't sure where this conversation was heading but she made sure Van could see she was determined to listen to him.

"I-… I finally understood Allen's father… his feelings towards the Mystic Moon, I mean."

Deep in thought, Van gazed at the horizon before them as he continued.

"Leon Schezar gave up everything to find the secrets of Atlantis. He gave up his family, his status for a chance to meet the girl from the Mystic Moon again. All his sacrifices lead him back to what was truly of value – his love for his wife, Allen's mother."

"Van, what are you trying to say?"

Hitomi was genuinely confused and worried. Appearing to him as her youthful self didn't make sense to her but this was a dream after all, wasn't it? And even if this was a meeting place for souls in the midst of slumber and waking, somehow it does make sense that the Van before her now was in fact an older soul similar to hers. How had Van lived his life all these years? Did he, like herself, age in relatively good health? Did Van manage to maintain the peace in the Kingdom of Fanelia. Did he… marry a princess and have an heir? Or two? Hitomi wondered as she bit her lip.

"Hitomi, I've dreamed about you over the years. This is the first in a long time that I've seen your face and heard your voice."

"It's the same for me too, Van!"

A smile came across Van's face. He was visibly pleased that Hitomi dreamt of him too.

"Hitomi, I've encountered countless mystical things in Gaea since you left. But one mystery remains to this day."

Hitomi felt she knew what Van was going to say. Was she going to pretend she didn't? How exactly does one hide a raging river in the middle of a desert?

Van smiled kindly at Hitomi. Her heart ached. This wasn't the same hesitant and boyish smile he had in his youth. She just knew that this Van was grown if not in appearance then in spirit. His was a soul run to the ground by duty. His was a hard life from the very beginning.

Over the years, Hitomi had been surely losing access to her visions. It's as if fate, thinking of itself kind and merciful, had taken back this gift and curse from her. But even without the visions Hitomi felt that Van has gone through so much since their parting. Her heart ached precisely because he knew by intuition that Van's heart is irreparably broken.

"You once told me that seasons change in the Mystic Moon. Did you know that the season is always the same in Gaea? If I were in the Mystic Moon, I would've dreamt of you in all seasons." Van said thoughtfully.

Hitomi squeezed his hand, still in fear that she'd wake up abruptly.

"Whenever I dream of you, you're always the same. You still have your unusual short hair and clothes from the Mystic Moon. But, Hitomi…"

Tears were rolling down Hitomi's cheeks now.

"Hitomi, why can't we see each other past this moment?"

* * *

Author's notes: This is one of the worst cliff-hangers every written. I just feel that I need to step back and think really hard on how I'll write the next part. Even if it's just remotely obvious, I still don't know where this story is going but I'll try my best to write a decent ending. T_T


	3. Chapter 3

If you haven't, you might be interested in reading my side story "Van's Musings" first. I had to paint the Van in this story through a separate short to sort my understanding of his character out. Here you go, final chapter!

* * *

"Hitomi, why can't we see each other past this moment?"

Clasping her hands close to her chest, "Van" Hitomi started. "I tried so hard to look for it – this feeling I have when I'm with you. This feeling… is hard to explain; it is happiness mixed with sadness. It's a type of loneliness that somehow gives me comfort, like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. I've met a few people in my world but the feeling I had with them was never quite right. Doesn't it seem like we're meeting each other like this precisely because we were never the same since we parted?"

Van gave her a thoughtful look then laughed. Van has never been as vocal about these thoughts more so his feelings but one thing he was sure of was the truth in his heart. In his youth, Van had known and accepted his feelings for Hitomi long before she was able to sort out her own feelings. Van may have had a wayward means of expressing himself, but he had hoped, the same way a single matchstick could light up the road ahead, that Hitomi would reciprocate his affections. Their time together in the past was brief but at this moment, Van knew what Hitomi was trying to tell him – even if she herself wasn't quite aware of it herself.

"Hitomi, I loved the form you appear in right now." Van smiled. "and I love you still. I'm sorry it took me this long to say this to you clearly."

Van's eyes were clear, not a shadow of doubt behind his words. For the first time, Hitomi had realized what she was trying to find in vain in other people – the purity of Van's heart. Van lived his words and all the promises he made he kept as if these were his life's purpose. The sudden realization seemed to have finally unlocked a door in Hitomi's mind.

"Van, you are my once and never again." Hitomi smiled with tears in her eyes. "I feel so lonely and happy that we met. My heart is yours always."

Van leaned forward and reached for Hitomi's chin. Instinctively, Hitomi closed her eyes. She felt the warmth of Van's lips. As the King's lips continued to caress hers' gently, Hitomi could feel herself being pulled back by a heavy but non-malicious force. The waking world has summoned her.

Van slowly opened his eyes. From where he lay, he could see Merle at the foot of his bed.

Sensing her long-time master's waking, her ears, white with the accumulation of the years, perked up. "Lord Van, you're finally awake! We were all worried!"

Van weakly looked around and realized they were alone in the room. Ever so slightly, he took out his frail arm from under the heavy covers to reveal the now pinkish-white pendant that Hitomi had gifted him so many years ago.

"Another dream about Hitomi?" Merle inquired in a comforting tone.

With great effort, Van smiled as he gave his most loyal subject and friend a slight nod.

"I'm happy you're awake, Lord Van" Merle cried as she gently squeezed Van's hand.

Feeling exhausted from the very act of waking, Van began to feel a heavy weight on his body. The years since the liberation of Gaea from Zaibach has become nothing more than legend. The king had fought more battles since and his body had paid dearly for Fanelia, his home country's sake. With each new war, Van had to thank his lucky stars that it never came to a point where he needed to reawaken Escaflowne. He knew the darkness that lurks in his heart all too well. Hitomi had risked her life to save him from despair and in her absence, he wanted to honor her sacrifices for him by relying only on his own power.

The years grew long, and the sacrifices were great indeed. Van loved Fanelia too much and was duty-bound to give his last breath to her people. He gave the throne an heir and by the next full moon, he would have his first great-grandson. Despite everything, only Merle knew of what was truly in his heart and Van was eternally grateful that someone understood the loneliness he had to bear; that it was his duty to bear it. Van knew that Hitomi believed in him; this gave him the power to believe in himself.

Van enclosed his fingers around the prized pendant and thought about the countless number of times he had wished on it to bring Hitomi back to him. These wishes were in vain because his own heart had betrayed him. _Hitomi belonged to the Mystic Moon. She would be safer in a world that does not have to face death as a means of living. _

The thoughts of Hitomi living to the fullest back in the Mystic Moon had kept him going. Kingdoms rise and fall. Each battle was hard-fought, and Van kept death as his constant companion and Hitomi in his heart. Van had agreed to a treaty by marriage and had worn Hitomi's necklace on his wedding day, to Merle's astonishment. Van had reared 2 sons and raised them to support each other – to write the story that he and Folken never had. The situation in Gaea was like the tectonic plates – always moved by and moving towards violence. Van had thought countless times that even though Gaea was a means for the people to Atlantis to repent from their sins, why does it seem like the people in Gaea have not any other purpose than to pay for those same sins.

Van's thoughts were interrupted when he suddenly felt feel the great slumber beckoning him.

"Merle." Van whispered as he looked at what his dimming vision could only make out as her silhouette. He gently closed his eyes one last time.

Merle tightened her grip around Van's hand. Merle had sensed the difference in the air. She broke into uncontrollable sobs. A dim line shone in between her hands.

"Hitomi's pendant?" Merle gently released Van's had and noticed the pendant he was holding has now turned white. Her eyes drifted to her master's face and saw a smile on his face, as if asleep. Merle wiped the tears from her old eyes.

"Good night, Lord Van."

"KAN-ZA-KI – SAN!... Eh?!"

Hitomi was already packed to leave when Mikage, her co-teacher, waltzed into the faculty room. Mikage stood thoughtful for a moment then realized "I forgot you were meeting your fiancé's family tonight! You've definitely come a long way from your loooooooooooong rut."

"Hey! That's not nice!" Hitomi exclaimed. She was juggling a stack of papers along with her personal belongings.

"I've always thought you had rotten luck with love. I figured a man broke your heart so bad you just swore off romance."

Hitomi chuckled at the other woman's remark "That's far from the truth, actually. I had the most unforgettable first love."

"Ehhh? So why are marrying someone else?"

"HI-MI-TSU. That's a secret for me to keep." Hitomi teased as she walked out of the room.

Hitomi walked towards the school gate where her fiancé was waiting for her. On the way, she stopped by the track where her students were doing their daily training.

_This place will always mean something to me. The new facilities, the new uniforms, the different faces will never change that._

_ My life here and on Gaea will always mean something to me. The new promises of tomorrow and the new life I will lead will not change that._

As she turned to take another step, a gentle breeze passed by. A white feather crossed her path then flew up into the blue sky.

_No other love can replace ours, Van. I know this now. Our love is truly a lonely one. I never could have fathomed that my first love could bring such sorrow._

Whenever Hitomi's thoughts strayed, it was always thoughts about Van. Whenever she thinks about the last time they met in their dreams, she would always think about his smile.

_It's as if his smile is telling me to live will all my heart. I will continue to carry both this happiness and sorrow so together we'll see what the future holds._

Hitomi, empowered with her newfound resolve, smiled to herself as she crossed the school gates.

* * *

Author's notes: Ah, well... thanks for getting to this chapter. Frankly, I didn't know how to end this short (I seriously thought this was going to be a chapter at most). I was struggling for some time when I came across Captain America: The First Avenger on cable TV by chance (gotta appreciate the randomness of cable TV programming!). I figured of course! Not all feelings need to have a clean-cut beginning or end. Transitions are messy in real life and in some cases, we're stuck in the limbo our entire life. Btw the Escaflowne Movie was sooo different from the series. I thought I could get ideas from the film but the mood was just so off from what I've already written. Got some good ideas from the Escaflowne songs though. This show will always be one of my favorites.


End file.
